Last Friday the world as I knew it shook beneath my feet. Mountains trembled, canyons birthed, massive chunks of ice fell into oceans sending tidal waves crashing through my heart. The details aren’t really important. What I wanted to share was this:
Usually, under these circumstances iron gates crash down defending my soul while I do whatever needs to be done. I function. Well. Alone. I can do it–so I do. There is no real need for Him to drive me, stand by my side, hold my hand, so I plunge ahead, alone–strong as granite. It dies not occur to me that help is ok. I don’t NEED it, so I don’t accept it.
This time I picked up the phone and said these words: Please come home. Please come with me. Don’t let me do this alone.
And of course, He did.
He held my hand. He teased me and made me laugh. He held me close. Most important–He was there.
And now I have been dropped on a train that is moving fast. There is a conductor-highly skilled–and I am supposed to let this person do the job. I am not in control.
It terrifies me. My heart. My breath. My sweet child is beyond my hand-needing something I have no ability to provide. I can only watch. Sit. Wait.
He holds my hand and we are moving together. I feel safe and loved and inexplicably calm.
Hold my family up to whatever light you believe in.
I’ll keep you posted.